How to Not Fail at Writing Summaries
by EeBee-kohai
Summary: What happens when Konoha's greatest author can't come up with an interesting and effective summary for his story? What happens when his he has to reminisce into his past to help him in this challenge? What does he learn in the authorship world?


This story is dedicated to my sister Lil' DeiDei. She and I used to get a kick out of horrible summaries. Use this as a lesson. Please don't write "just read ittttttt" or anything else without any substance like that. When I choose a story to read, I choose based on what looks interesting, not based on who is such a terrible writer they have to beg me to read their story. :)

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><p>One day, a young blonde boy sat at his super-awesome jōnin-grade computer, also known as the iKunai, on FanFiction. His fingers flitted across the keys swiftly, only pausing when he would put them to his lips and furrow his brow in thought. It was clear he was stumped and frustrated and it became clearer the more he sat at his iKunai.<p>

He'd heard about this problem many times, but he had never before experienced it: the problem where authors would hang their heads in their hands in anguish, from the mere lack of ideas. The cursed writer's block he'd heard so much about was paining him as if he had his very own demon. Now might be an opportune moment to mention that the previously talked about blonde is Naruto, who does, in fact, have a personal demon within him, so there really is no 'as if' to it.

The blonde, whose life had been filled with every kind of hatred and despair, given that there may be many varieties and brands, faced the worst problem of his life. He couldn't think of an acceptable summary for his story that caught people's interest, but also didn't give too much away. He was easily the best author in Konoha, and he had only a handful of challengers throughout the Shinobi lands. He'd only ever been truly bested by one man, who he had easily surpassed since they'd had their battle many years ago. And this man was Sabaku no Gaara.

Hanging his head in sadness, he sighed and shut down his super cool 1340 COOLNESS OF DOOM iKunai. He grabbed a pad of sticky-notes and left a note for himself to write a summary for his story when he'd had some time to think about it, summarizing the previous statement in the most perfect way possible, of course.

Naruto was a summarizing expert. He'd become an authorship-genin at age 6 and had been promoted directly to a summarizing-jōnin at age ten, meaning he skipped the editing-chūnin stage entirely. Within two years, he had become the captain of ANBU (Author's Night Blogging Unit) and had defeated the Hokage in a write-down within 6 months. Naruto's advanced ranking in the authorship world was what caused him to be so upset by his inability to merely summarize what he'd already spent so much time writing.

He sighed and locked up his apartment. He looked left and right and saw all of the regular writing, summarizing, publishing, editing, and general authorship apprentices, genin, chūnin, jōnin, and ANBU. Each one wrote with purpose and expertise. He sighed sadly, missing the ease with which they wrote. I will leave it to you to doubt Naruto's sanity after reading the following statement. Naruto decided to go to the T&I (Text and Ink) unit for help.

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><p>Naruto walked into the T&amp;I sector of the ANBU building and nodded to the occasional ANBU. He arrived in a small, sparsely lit, barely decorated office and walked up to a short desk with a partially insane secretary.<p>

"Anko-san," okay, so 'slightly' is an understatement, "why did they give you secretary duty again? I thought I told them it is considered a risk to Konoha's safety…"

Anko looked up from a kunai she was sharpening. "I tried to kill Ibiki and Kakashi… again."

Naruto paled. "You and Kakashi should really quit arguing so much."

Anko nodded cheerfully.

"Poor Kakashi… Poor Ibiki. How did he even get involved?" He shook his head sadly and looked back at her. "You should go get a more normal relationship," he suggested.

"Every guy says I'm too much of a woman."

"I'm sure that's the problem…"

"Or they say I'm too crazy. I'm not crazy; I'm just particularly apt to committing unusual actions."

Naruto blinked. "You're insane. If you're going to kill anyone, don't kill anyone important and is there a chance you could focus on one person instead of all of my Shinobi?"

Anko opened her mouth slowly. She turned her head to the side and closed her mouth again. "You know, that is the first time I've ever been encouraged to kill someone…"

"Yeah, well if it weren't for the fact that the prison guards are afraid of you, I'd put you in jail myself."

"I think I'll commit to Kakashi."

"Aw, you're taking it to the next level?"

"No… I mean, ill commit to killing him.

"Poor Kakashi. Oh well. You two are cute together."

Anko nodded. "Anyway, what can I do you for, Hokage-sama?"

Naruto chose to ignore the small switch of words. "Is Ibiki-san available?"

Anko nodded. "Yes. What do you need him for?"

Naruto grinned sheepishly. "It's top secret."

Anko's eyes widened. "Oh! That must mean it's important! I'll get him right away!" she stood from her chair and slammed into the nearest wall. "Ouch." She left the room in a blur.

"Does that mean she didn't think I was here on important business in the first place?" Naruto mumbled to himself.

"Naruto-sama," Ibiki greeted.

Anko walked out from behind him and went back to her desk.

"Ibiki-san," Naruto replied.

"How can I help you?" Ibiki asked, leading the way back to his very own torture chamber—ahem, authorship room!

"I have some top secret business to talk to you about."

Ibiki nodded and placed a silencer jutsu on the room.

"I wrote this story about a girl who meets a guy and they fall in love and crazy stuff goes on…"

Ibiki blinked. "That was the worst summary I have ever heard."

"Exactly! I need your help. I can't seem to write a good summary! I've stayed up countless nights straight through, just yearning to write the perfect summary. I've rewritten it more times than the American national debt!" Naruto rubbed his forehead and yawned. (A small, insignificant angel died in shock.)

"Naruto-sama, I write horror novels for a living. That's what the T&I units do. If you go to a field unit, they may be able to help you. I'm sorry. It's just not my thing."

"Arigato, Ibiki-san." Naruto turned to leave the T&I unit and passed Anko, who had a kunai up to a very nervous Kakashi's neck.

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><p>Naruto stood in front of the secretary's desk, vaguely wondering why he was even bothering to wait. He could barge in to any unit he wanted to and no one could yell at him except himself, not that he had a tendency to talk to himself.<p>

Naruto contemplated scribbling all over the secretary's book, merely to piss him off. The secretary was reading Twilight, so it would probably benefit the man greatly to have the book destroyed, hence why Naruto decided to Rasengan the book. He opened a liquid pen and squirted the ink all over the secretary's book. "Rasengan!" Naruto Shouted. Yes, that was how Rasengan worked in the authorship world.

"No! My book! Izumo gave it to me for my birthday!" Kotetsu screeched.

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Whatever, Side-show Bob."

"Hey! Why does everyone call me that?"

"Um, I'm partially ignoring you. Anyways, is Tenzō-san here?"

"Do you not want to talk to Kakashi-sempai? Normally you come here for him…"

"Anko is trying to kill him. Or cut his hair… either one could be a very viable option for whatever she is trying to do to him."

"Poor Kakashi," Kotetsu muttered. "Tenzō-sempai isn't here. He should be back soon, though. Can I possibly help you?"

"Sure." Naruto sat down in a chair in front of Kotetsu. "I need help with a summary."

Kotetsu's eyes widened. "You, the great Naruto-sama, need help writing a summary?"

Naruto nodded sadly. "Yes. Here, read my story." He handed it to Kotetsu who proceeded to read the entirety of it.

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><p>A few hours later, Kotetsu finished reading the story and woke Naruto up. "It was a great story! You always write the best ones! What are your ideas for a summary?"<p>

Naruto took out a list. "Okay, here they are:

"A long time ago, a girl and a guy fell in love. Yeah, because that's what people do. So they decided to do romantic stuff and then they got attacked. Then they lived happily ever after.

"This is the story of two people who are in love and are cool and face challenges and stuff. It's a cool story, so just read it, because I am bad at summarizing."

"Just stop there…" Kotetsu said. "Go back into your past… remember ninja school and remember your summary training. It was the most intense training, so there's no way you can forget it. Start writing down whatever you remember and then use it to write a good summary that doesn't sound like a four year old wrote it."

"Thanks, Kotetsu." Naruto left and went back home. He sat at his table with a notepad and tried his hardest to think back to his training days.

_"Alright class, repeat after me: Summarizing is our job. It is our life. It is our way," the teacher said._

_"Summarizing is our job. It is our life. It is our way," chanted the class. They had done this every day for the past year, and it had become like clockwork._

_"It is the meat, ground into smaller parts. It is the bare essentials. It is the key."_

_"It is the meat, ground into smaller parts. It is the bare essentials. It is the key."_

_"It is the main points that are worth noting and remembering."_

_"It is the main points that are worth noting and remembering."_

_"A summary is when we strip away the fat, the bulk, the skin and show our hearts."_

_"A summary is when we strip away the fat, the bulk, the skin and show our hearts."_

_"We do not rewrite the story. We do not write nothing. We create the key."_

_"We do not rewrite the story. We do not write nothing. We create the key."_

_"Repeat it!" the teacher shouted, "We create the key!"_

_"WE CREATE THE KEY!"_

Naruto wrote down all of the chants and practically had a light bulb go off above his head. He stood up and ran over to his computer. He suddenly remembered exactly how his teachers used to tell him how to write a summary. He had to tell the story just far enough to catch the interest of the reader! He had to do it without using the words 'just read it, it's awesome! I swear!'

After a few minutes of effort, he came up with a perfect summary that was so perfect I can't even begin to describe it here. If you want to know, travel to the Shinobi lands where his book has been a best seller for years and ask him yourself.


End file.
